Letters to Mom

Okay, Mom, that was hard today.  I sent out an update to quite a few people, letting them know we're working on health issues, working on the house and yard and how much we miss you.  Betty Lecat wrote back absolutely panicked and dreading the answer she knew was coming, I think.  She hadn't received my emails this last 6 months and was asking where you were. She said she knew you wouldn't return to California without me, what happened? I had to tell her, Mom.  Explain it all over again, knowing how much that was going to hurt.  She wrote back and said she had called Lynn a couple of weeks ago and had asked if Lynn was still missing you and me. Now Betty understands why Lynn burst into tears.  She thought it was just from missing us because of the move.  It hurts, Mama. We were listening to snippets of songs from the 60s and many of them were from our childhood and some of your favorites.  Bittersweet hearing them.  Jackie almost danced...

Hey Mom; Did you see the latest on Deadliest Catch?  I caught a story on Yahoo since we don't have TV anymore: the boys own the Cornelia Marie outright, not just a percentage. Just like Phil wanted.  I know he was your absolute favorite and how heartbreaking it was for him to die at age 53. Maybe if he had taken the meditation and stretching I'm doing he wouldn't have developed the clots.  I've got a timer on the computer that reminds me to get up and stretch and I did my 2nd yoga class last night.  It's really low impact, more stretching than strengthening right now, but we're all bottom rate beginners and most of us can't bend to touch our knees let alone our toes (except for the one girl that could probably put her foot behind her head).  I think it'll help as long as the stressful drive to and from doesn't counteract the good I'm doing. They increased my meds a bit and I think it's helping this time.  Warmer weather will help as wel...

Hey, Mama; We received the crete myrtle that Lynn and Jerry ordered for you, in the color you always loved.  Jackie and I planted it today along with the marigolds I bought for you and some pretty flowers to go along with those. We used the good soil we bought at Home Depot and got some mulch too.  You've got your dogwoods and crete myrtle, Mama, just like you wanted in a home of your own.  I'm sorry we didn't get the crete myrtle last year.  We thought we had time. Pretty normal thought, isn't it? Love you, Mama.  We miss you.

I may find out I'm actually pretty healthy other than the stomach problems, chronic back pain and the PTSD stuff, LOL My counselor thinks I'm ready to get back on the list for the intense PTSD therapy and my med levels are okay right now.  The meditation and stretching is helping and, as long as a major crisis doesn't hit (like the car breaking down), I think I can start to climb out of the darkness we've been in. Go figure, I'm learning meditation and stretching through a program at the VA and I've started guitar lessons through Courserera, that program where I took the Fantasy and Sci-Fi literature course.  So, I dragged out my acoustic and electric and I'm going to give it a good try. My heart checks out okay, my colon is good, my depression might be improving and my skin check came up with two spots that were freeze-dried off (a good check up at this point). Now to get the stomach under control and my nutrition under control and that'll help....

Hey Mom; Lynn called and asked what color was your favorite in a crete myrtle, she and Jerry are sending us one.  We bought marigolds to plant, we've got several dogwood on the property and you'll have your crete myrtle. We can't believe it. They are so wonderful and we are beyond grateful. We found a wonderful teapot for Lynn's present next Christmas, we've got it squirreled away. Love and miss you, Mom.

I thought the visit with my Aunt Jeannie and hubby Keith had gone okay.  I know I was scattered, still in the weird first stages of grief but it is surprising that they aren't responding to my emails, even the one I sent of scanned pictures of my father. All emails have ceased, including updates and the "God, country and Jesus" emails. One thing that might have caused the change is my weblinks to the blogs at the bottom of my emails.  I think, maybe, they cruised my blogs and figured out I'm not a Christian and that I'm a Jew. Is that it, Ma?  Could they cut off contact with the first kid of my generation in the family? The only surviving child of dad?  Could anyone be that....petty and cruel?  Extend a hand, invite me into the family after a decade of silence aside from general update emails and then pull it back because I'm a Jew? I lost friends when I converted and I gained some.  I've known about prejudice and idiocy all my life so I knew what ...

A derby without you, Mom.  The hats, the excitement, the predictions, looking the horses over, the hats did I mention the hats? You absolutely adored the hats at the derby.  You enjoyed the hats more than the pre-race shindigs http://sports.yahoo.com/photos/2013-kentucky-derby-hats-slideshow/ There were some beautiful ones and some downright weird ones. I've started an online class with Courserea, that group I took the Fantasy and Sci-Fi class from.  Guitar this time and I'm grateful I already have 2, one acoustic and one electric.  The class is really simple, just what I need.  Yoga, guitar lessons, more attention to prayer, doing the crafts and writing - I might pull out of this yet, Ma.  I'm still bouncing back and forth between losing 2-3 lbs this week to staying steady.  This morning I hit 140, down from 160 since Thanksgiving.  My doctor sent a bunch of vitamins, I'm malnourished.  Go figure, I haven't been eating much becau...

Hey Ma; Been missing you a lot lately. Maybe it's the fact that Mother's Day is coming up and Jackie and I would be scrambling to figure out where to find a turtle that you don't have. Lynn called yesterday, she is missing you something fierce! They sent us photo of Lynn spreading some of your ashes under a red bud tree on the property.  I know you're happy with that. You two are so close, it just fits that you're there. Got my lab results back: I'm low on some vitamins - go figure. I haven't been eating well because of the stomach problem and I don't absorb vitamins very well in pill form.  I'm going to start on the smoothies again.