Letters to Mom

The night you always called "Amateur Night", Ma.  New Year's Eve - we're set, i.e. we're not going anywhere. LOL.  Did some errands today (cat litter, groceries) and did too much (of course).  Where did the year go? Miss you, Ma.

It'll be a new year soon, Mom.  Still can't believe most of the time that you're gone.  3 years.  How is that possible? It's still hard. Then the others we've lost on a celebrity level, especially Sir Christopher, you know what he meant to me.  Leonard Nimoy, Omar Shariff, Wes Craven - too many. A bit down the last couple of days. Might be all the crisis posts in the PTSD groups on Facebook - I'm stepping back from FB for awhile. Just hit the highlights and focus more on my writing and house cleaning, I think. Love you, Mama

Missing you, Mama, especially this time of year.  It doesn't seem like it couold be three years.  Jackie and I exchanged Hanukkah and Yule gifts earlier - she got me a new Magen David necklace and a bracelet that honors those struggling or gone from lung cancer.  I got her some new art work, a dragon mug and a WOW gift card. This morning is a bit quiet - we had orange rolls for breakfast and are quietly reading, writing or playing on the computers (in between bouts of cleaning).  I put up Jackie's small white Christmas tree and put my Rat King nutcracker, Jackie's Yeti Bobo, Snoopy and Woodstock and a turtle around it.  Felt okay and we'll probably do a little more decorating next year.   I've been working on the quilt a little at a time, it hurts to sit too long. Have to find the right combination of chair, position, angle and foot rest yet.  It's been raining like crazy here. Flash floods, washed out streets, trees down, a couple good deep ruts in the

this season is hard and we both miss Mom every day.  I think I'm reaching a point where that isn't so overwhelming.   About a week before Thanksgiving onwards it was a bit hard. I couldn't focus on much, short attention span, depression, etc.  On the 1st I lit the Yahrzeit candle and set about distracting myself on the computer but that wasn't working.  I kept thinking about the quilt. Mom had a quilt in the frames (long wooden rods c-clamped on cross bars resting on saw horses) - she had it in the frames for years, she'd work a little bit on it and a little bit more but nothing steady.  I always encouraged her but it didn't seem like something she was anxious to finish. We didn't have room to set it up at that small place in North Fork. when we go here, I insisted it get set up in good light.  She did a couple of rows. When we lost Mom, Jackie and I just left the quilt where it was.  We had cardboard and plywood over the quilt wi

Before today the quilt in the frames was an item that screamed at us all the time: Figure out what to do with it! Roll it and store it, find someone that hand quilts and give it to them or let it sit.  Now I think I can work it.  It has been a little amazing. I was somewhat down today, bittersweet posting some pictures of Mom and stuff but being able to work on the quilt brought about a new emotion that I seldom have, it was almost hard to identify.  I was happy and it lasted.  That's a big deal.  It kinda felt like Mom was beside me urging me on and encouraging me. We got caught in a white out a few years back. I didn't have snow chains nor winter tires.  I looked at the upper windows of Vons and told Mom we had to step it up.  It started raining as we went to the car. We got 1 mile and it was sleet. 1 more mile and it was snow.  I pulled over and started to turn around, explaining that I didn't think the car could get around the curves by the lake.  The

FB post Okay, achievement! Mom had been working on a quilt for years. Do a few stitches, back starts hurting, come back a few days later.... She left the quilt in the frames when she passed. One thing she said in the hospital was that we'd have to roll the quilt, cover it and put it away. I told her no, we wouldn't. 3 yrs later: figured today was a good day try to do it or we'd roll the quilt up and put it away, probably to never get it out again. I've always failed at the hand quilting before. My stitches aren't as good as Mom's but not bad!

3 years. Miss you, Mom. More than words can say At this moment, in memory of our beloved Mom we join hands in love and remembrance. A link has been broken in the chain that has bound us together, yet strong bonds of home and love hold us each to the other. We give thanks for the blessing of life, of companionship, and of memory. Though sorrow lingers, we have learned that love is stronger than death. Though our loved one is beyond our sight we sense our Mom in our hearts as a living presence. Her memory is a blessing. (ask about the hat :) )  the song is by The Who.  When I took Mom to see Roger Daltrey doing Tommy she cried when he began this one.  Love you, Mom https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZPtrWvlFRU  

This is a rough time of year and always will be, I think.  I remember how Mom would get depressed before Thanksgiving after we lost Grandma.  We went to the neighbors for Thanksgiving dinner and had a nice time.  It was like we were old friends and that feels really good.  Jackie and I aren't the best at making new friends since we seldom leave the house and don't do any of the traditional things to meet people. I have a migraine tonight. Not good

Time to get ready for winter, Mom. It's getting a little colder. We'll put up bubble wrap on the window, make draft dodgers on the bottom of the doors, we've got fleece blankets over the French doors.  I want to hang canvas in the craft room (your bedroom) to cut down the living space.  I've set up a computer up for my writing.  It's not connected to the internet and few programs at this point = few distractions.  Its a way to get myself to focus on the writing.  I need to treat this as more of a job (one that I love and dislike sometimes).  I am a writer. I'm behind schedule for my November writing, darn it! I thought it would be a simple project to hang the canvas. We're using one that already has the top slip for a curtain rod. Plan: tack up the canvas, settle into my den and write. Day 1: Jackie on a step stool putting the canvas up with push pins. Outcome: Hmmm, no go. The tacks won't hold for long, especially if I'm pulling it aside

We went off the plan because of availability of food (i.e. we paid the entire year of property taxes and relied on what we had on hand in the freezer and pantry before we had gone on The Plan). We went off the plan and we have paid for it. Jackie and I are hurting really badly after 2 week of being off and there's really no physical reason why my pain should be higher other than change of weather/colder temps.  We also had a bit more energy before. So, we're going back on the Plan.  This morning I had rice for breakfast, lunch will be salad and broccoli soup with salad.  Tonight will be chicken and salad or pollock and salad. Gotta start feeling better again.

My cat Fuzz Bot loves me the way she shows me how much she loves me can be a bit....biting

I undertook a project that is lasting a hell of a lot longer than anticipated. I decided to scan all of the photos that we can find in the computer and were going to put them on a jump drive and put that in the safe. Mom always said that if there was a fire the 1st thing she do is get the pets and daughters outside and then she'd worry about the photos. So I have finished scanning all the photos in the house, that's step one. Next step is to label the pictures on the computer pictures, that's step 2. Step 3 will be writing on the back of the pictures if they aren't already labeled. Ma, I could really throw a water balloon at you or something, did you ever really realize how many photos aren't labeled? Step 3 is going to be quite a task. A lot of them we recognize people or places and approximate years, but there are a lot that we don't. Were going to try to do a Google and tineye search on some of them and hope for the best. Here is a picture of the pictures,

Mom; Finally got everything together for switching over my driver's license.  Name change completed, legal papers in hand along with birth certificate, SSN card, proof of residency, $20 and court decree. Not a problem switching my CA license for a GA one now that my name is legally my name again. That is a HUGE stressor done away with. If they demanded one more step to show how my name became hyphenated we would have been out of luck and my CA license was due to expire at the end of January.  Hence the reason I wanted the name change legal before November, just to give us some lee-way if there was a problem. Going through the papers in the safe turned out to be a little difficult. Your marriage and divorce decrees, medical cards and your own GA license. For some reason it hurt - once again thinking that you just can't be gone, Mom. How could it have happened so fast? Missing you, Mama. Oh, btw, what happened between you and James C?

Day 2 - no weight difference - probably from drinking water late at night. A little less energy today.  I went and got liver detox and kelp pills at the mall and then went to Walmart for cat food and liver.  Went through the mall and Walmart without getting a soda or snack.  Bought water instead. Have a headache today. DAY 2                Record basal body temp (do this until temp consistently reads above 97F – taper off supplements at this point                Weigh yourself and record the results                Drink 16oz of water with lemon juice                Take liver supplement w/kelp and B-12 Breakfast 1 cup of flax granola  to make it a bit more palatable I mixed it with 1/2 serving of cream of rice cereal (hope it doesn't affect the weight loss potential)  snack ½ cup of blueberries Lunch Carrot ginger sop with sunflower seeds - worked on adjusting the spices - had a full serving Baby romaine with ½ diced apple and ¼ avocado - no

DAY ONE – NO TEST Awakening                Record basal body temp (do this until temp consistently reads above 97F – taper off supplements at this point                Weigh yourself and record the results                Drink 16oz of water with lemon juice                Take liver supplement w/kelp and B-12                Breakfast 1 cup flax granola with ½ cup blueberries Silk coconut milk or rice dream Lunch Carrot ginger soup w/sunflower seeds Sautéed or steamed broccoli drizzled with orange oil and lemon juice (make enough for leftovers) Baby romaine w/1/2 pear, ¼ avocado, and pumpkin seeds Snack 1 apple Dinner Sautéed kale with vegetables                5-6 cups chopped kale, 4 shiitake mushrooms, chopped                2 tbsp EVOO                Herbs of choice                Saute kale and shiitakes in olive oil with herbs of choice.   Let cool and add your favorite topping (pumpkin seeds, cheese, avocado, almond silvers,