Letters to Mom

Ma;  dogwoods are starting to bloom in the area but not ours yet.  Ours are a bit more in the shade but we're watching.  Getting yard work time, Mom.  I've got a bird feeder hanging on the front porch and since the cats are indoor cats only now, we've got more birds checking the front porch out and Jackie got some really good pictures of Henry the semi-feral this morning.  He is such a photogenic cat. Miss you.

Hey Mom; Doctor thinks the spots I had questions about were okay but froze them for my peace of mind since I grew up in California.  I had problems at the hospital again <sigh> had to clean up - blah   we were early so we stopped in kroger to pick up matzvot. I figured they'd have a stock since Passover is next month. Surprise - their Pesach section is up and running and they had the lamb bones. I got a couple of small bottles of juice, one large bottle and a bottle of blackberry manshevitz (sp?) to make haroset.  Threw the bone in the freezer. Score! we were heading into Atlanta and I got hit. Grabbed a pad of paper and pen and began writing frantically. there's a National November Writing Month challenge in April - maybe I'll do a collection of short stories Miss you, Mama. Dogwoods are starting to bloom, reminds us of you, of course.

I  got up early yesterday to get some things done before Jackie's appointment at the clinic only to find the appt was canceled. Okay - go back to bed, wallow in my depression, or try to move around it. I decided to move around it.  It doesn't happen often with depression, it's usually something you can't just go around, especially if its originating in the PTSD, I've found.  I was determined to try, however. I did a haircut, took a long shower, did the dishes, swept, did laundry and worked on projects on my computer. Most importantly I called the VA to reschedule (left a message), called Best Buy and made a payment there, checked the other bills to ensure things had posted and made the stressful calls I needed to. I was a bit pleased with myself that I didn't whine and let the phone calls and missed MRI bring me down. Today I woke up really early to the VA calling and trying to arrange a new appt. for the MRI and set up sedation.  Mid-April but that wi...

We started out to the VA yesterday for my MRI. We got to Mableton and were stopped by police cars and fire trucks.  We had seen huge plumes of black smoke and saw the flames at a strip mall and shop close to the road.  We were turned back. Okay, we leave early enough to get around problems like this or get a bite to eat if we're early.  Turn around, catch a cross road and hit interstate 20.  Got past Six Flags and hit stop-n-go traffic. WTH? It took us 40 minutes to go 1/4 of a mile! WTH?  The Georgia DOT thinks it's a grand idea to funnel FOUR lanes of traffic into ONE - both ways and that includes 3 onramps feeding more traffic in.  After 45 minutes of that we knew there was no way we'd make it to the VA even an hour late. This is the FOURTH time this hasn't gone through for the MRI! I was set to go and willing to do it, darn it

Hey Ma; I cooked chicken schnitzel today (first time) and several batches of hamantaschen for Purim and listened to a reading of the book of Esther. My hamantaschen aren't beautiful but they taste good.  I didn't go traditional routes with the fillings. I used Nutella and added butterscotch chips and nuts in some.  Turned out really nice and I kept doing the dishes and more dishes and more dishes. My back hurts but it was kinda worth it. G=d, Mama, I miss you. It sometimes feels like I'll never get past this enough to move on. Working on it. I went through some of the clothes in the closet and picked ut some that would fit me and that I'd actually wear and Jackie pulled a couple of things out of that stack.  The remainder will go to the Senior center that you loved or to charity.  It is beyond time to turn that room into a guest and craft room. Love you, Mama

Hey Mom; Today felt like spring. I walked down to the mailbox with my thermal sleeves rolled up, no jacket, no winter hat.  I did the dishes, cooked breakfast and worked at slowly mopping the kitchen and failed 1/2 way through. How the hell do I get through more decades of this, Mom?

It's still hard, Mom. I miss you terribly.  I've got Alice laying next to me on her back, her hind legs stretched and she's smiling.  And you wouldn't believe Fuzz Bot. She's not the half grown kitten you knew.  She's getting to be as big as Grady. Deacon started losing weight and he was making a weird noise with his jaw. We pulled out the kitten replacement milk and I mix that with canned food, making a gruel that's easy on his teeth and jaw.  He put his weight back on and is a happy boy again.  He's eating dry food so we figure his TMJ is easing up but are still giving him the gruel. It's been a little hard the last couple of months. The health stuff has gotten worse and so has the pain and it sets off all kinds of triggers that's knocked me back a little. I've tackled some of the worst of what Harley did.  These triggers concern you Mom and that's difficult. You weren't an abuser but you didn't do a couple of things right...