A sardine in a can
Ma, got it done!
I was scheduled for an MRI about 1 1/2 months ago. First time I got sick and had to reschedule. 2nd appt was delayed because the machine broke down. 3rd time there was snow in north Atlanta. 4th time, ice and slush in north Atlanta. 4th time there was a fire in a strip mall in Mableton right by the road. We were the first car the police turned around. Okay, we'll cut over and catch the interstate - this was on a Saturday (MRI department was working weekends to get caught up after the machine had broken down). We got past Six Flags and traffic began getting really thick..... WTH? Is there a game scheduled, we wondered. No. No game. No room to move either.
Someone at Georgia department of transportation had the brilliant idea of funneling THREE lanes of interstate traffic into ONE LANE. One lane of traffic on the highway that runs from Texas to Florida. It was stopped traffic. It took us 40 minutes to go 1/4 of a mile and another 15 to reach an exit to turn around. There was no way we were going to get to the VA in time for my appt.
WTH? Is some higher power having a grand time with me over this test?
Oh, did I mention that I was pretty darn scared? I've had 4 MRIs before and each one got harder and harder to get through. The ones the VA used in the 1990s was like a torpedo tube in a submarine! The ceiling was about six inches above your head and it was so narrow that you couldn't put your arms flat to your side. It didn't help that I was a lot heavier at the time either.
So I've been wound up about this MRI test. I needed it done badly. With the fecal incontinence I've been stressed and going out less and less out of fear of being embarrassed. It also takes me back to when I was very young and how you didn't handle things very well, Mom. It definitely was the seed to one of my PTSD symptoms being a dread fear of public humiliation.
I needed the test but was worried about it so I arranged for sedation before the test.
I didn't sleep well last night and was up early. I did manage to eat a banana with some peanut butter before we left. Once we got there I was kept waiting for long at all and the clerk said the test was about 25 minutes and the MRI machine is bigger than the old ones and showed me. They also said they could send me in feet first. I passed on the sedation and got right in, 2 hours early. I wore a t-shirt, adult diapers and sweats. I pulled off my bra (without taking the shirt off, it's a female trick that many women pass down to the next generation - it really floors guys when you do it - check out the scene in Flashdance - LOL) I had also taken a sleep mask and put that one, tried to get comfortable and started yoga "Golden Breathing," three count intake, four count exhale, relaxing the muscles on the out breath. There were a couple of points when I almost panicked but quickly went back to the golden breath and working very hard to change my track of thinking that was trying to panic me.
I got through it! That is such a relief, Ma. Now we wait for the results and see if there's anything that can be done to help with the pain levels but especially the incontinence.
I haven't been sleeping well. I'm back down to 6 hours instead of the 7 I had been approaching.
I'm going to focus on the house and the yard work and really work hard not to strain that neck/shoulder thing that's happening.
I'm falling apart.
Miss you, Mama.
I was scheduled for an MRI about 1 1/2 months ago. First time I got sick and had to reschedule. 2nd appt was delayed because the machine broke down. 3rd time there was snow in north Atlanta. 4th time, ice and slush in north Atlanta. 4th time there was a fire in a strip mall in Mableton right by the road. We were the first car the police turned around. Okay, we'll cut over and catch the interstate - this was on a Saturday (MRI department was working weekends to get caught up after the machine had broken down). We got past Six Flags and traffic began getting really thick..... WTH? Is there a game scheduled, we wondered. No. No game. No room to move either.
Someone at Georgia department of transportation had the brilliant idea of funneling THREE lanes of interstate traffic into ONE LANE. One lane of traffic on the highway that runs from Texas to Florida. It was stopped traffic. It took us 40 minutes to go 1/4 of a mile and another 15 to reach an exit to turn around. There was no way we were going to get to the VA in time for my appt.
WTH? Is some higher power having a grand time with me over this test?
Oh, did I mention that I was pretty darn scared? I've had 4 MRIs before and each one got harder and harder to get through. The ones the VA used in the 1990s was like a torpedo tube in a submarine! The ceiling was about six inches above your head and it was so narrow that you couldn't put your arms flat to your side. It didn't help that I was a lot heavier at the time either.
So I've been wound up about this MRI test. I needed it done badly. With the fecal incontinence I've been stressed and going out less and less out of fear of being embarrassed. It also takes me back to when I was very young and how you didn't handle things very well, Mom. It definitely was the seed to one of my PTSD symptoms being a dread fear of public humiliation.
I needed the test but was worried about it so I arranged for sedation before the test.
I didn't sleep well last night and was up early. I did manage to eat a banana with some peanut butter before we left. Once we got there I was kept waiting for long at all and the clerk said the test was about 25 minutes and the MRI machine is bigger than the old ones and showed me. They also said they could send me in feet first. I passed on the sedation and got right in, 2 hours early. I wore a t-shirt, adult diapers and sweats. I pulled off my bra (without taking the shirt off, it's a female trick that many women pass down to the next generation - it really floors guys when you do it - check out the scene in Flashdance - LOL) I had also taken a sleep mask and put that one, tried to get comfortable and started yoga "Golden Breathing," three count intake, four count exhale, relaxing the muscles on the out breath. There were a couple of points when I almost panicked but quickly went back to the golden breath and working very hard to change my track of thinking that was trying to panic me.
I got through it! That is such a relief, Ma. Now we wait for the results and see if there's anything that can be done to help with the pain levels but especially the incontinence.
I haven't been sleeping well. I'm back down to 6 hours instead of the 7 I had been approaching.
I'm going to focus on the house and the yard work and really work hard not to strain that neck/shoulder thing that's happening.
I'm falling apart.
Miss you, Mama.
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