Letters to Mom

Hey Ma, Guess what movie I found at Big Lots for $3 today?  One of Grandma and your favorites: Tank with James Garner, C. Thomas Howell and Shirley Jones.  Couldn't resist! We're getting ideas for craft things, Mom. things no one else is doing or aren't doing very well.  Wishing you were here to give some input and lend a hand with the quilting. Marie said that would be more than grateful if Jackie and I could do something with the material she bought that you were working on.  We found six of the pieces, now we need to find the other blocks and finish them off and get it to her. I think she's more than hinting it won't be long, she talked about "quality of life" over "quantity of life" in her letter today, Mom.  I have a feeling she'll be joining you soon. It's so hard sometimes.  We love the house, the land and the town but I do miss California and I miss our friends and family there.  I have to admit that it hurt a great deal t...

Hey Mom; I'm almost done with the bluebirds on that embroidery piece.  Then I've got the flowers, stems and then the borders. I think it'll be a real nice piece when I'm done. Jackie's working the tree ones. Feeling a bit blah

Hey Ma; We're working on craft projects to try and get a little extra money coming in. We can scrape by on just my check but only if nothing goes wrong during the month and if we keep the water, electric and gas usage low. A little extra money coming in would be a blessing. I'm working on some of the embroidery that you started, Ma.  Feels strange, I'll admit.

Today was better, Ma.  We cooked, I cleaned, we moved furniture and I created art. Well, a step further on an art piece. The beaded Hebrew aleph bet. I got the beaded pieces onto balsa wood pieces. Now to figured out the base and the varying lengths of rods or something to create the 3-D effect. Missing you, Mom

     I have come to the final decision that Hobby Lobby's generic seed beads are garbage.  I need beads that are all the same size, damnit. The small tubes are better quality but limited in numbers - gotta find a good source online I like Hobby Lobby for many things but not bulk seed beads. 

I know, I know - I shouldn't be surprised we're open to any virus coming down the pike and up the road. Sore throat, coughing, sniffles, body aches.....argh Hoping having the vaporizer on tonight will help. I've also promised Steph that I'll talk with my psych the first week of March totally and openly about not being able to eat many things right now. I'm thinking this is stress or just my mind mucking with me out of grief and stress. Gotta say, Ma, your little cat is the NEEDIEST little thing! I even talk to one of the other cats and Nikki comes running and demanding my attention. She pats my face while I'm sleeping so I wake up enough to put my hand on her or hold her close. Love you, Ma. Miss you

Mom; We have an Oakhurst Realty here, a John West road, and a Dorsett road. <Twilight Zone music begins playing> Missing you a lot, Mom.  It was so fantastic to see Chris and definitely sad to see him go.  He graduates from IT school today and heads out to Texas, Montana, Washington and then southern CA.  Only Gd knows if we'll see him again and when, that's a bit depressing. Have to say, Ma, I am amazed by you, your life, your courage, your struggles and your love. Even in the end you were trying to protect us from as much stress and heartache as you could. We love you Mom

We think we figured it out. Mom did think she had a little more time. The doctor said she had probably a month, maybe two if she didn't have the chemo. We don't believe she knew she had days.  The speed surprised all of us, including her. We had a good visit with Chris but also a little difficult. There isn't a whole lot to do in our town in the winter after the holiday season.  We went to Stone Mountain yesterday and that was okay. Some of the things we wanted to see were closed. We're not sure when we'll see Chris again and we are extremely grateful he came up. He graduates from IT school in the Navy tomorrow and we're beyond proud of him.

email to my best friend who's having a delayed Mardi Gras party (delayed because of a tornado) - I can't write this out again. Mama - I'm hurt and p*ssed off and pretty tore up all over again. Steph; Hope your party has been fantastic! My cousin is here. I'm thinking of going to Stone Mountain tomorrow. He has a reliable car and we've never been to the park. I talked with him about Mom and how fast it happened.  He confirmed what we suspected - Mom knew she wasn't going to get through chemo. She knew it wouldn't even be four months. She knew.  Why didn't she tell us? Why? When I was guiding Chris around to the back of the house over the rougher terrain with Mom so we could get her in the back door (2 steps compared to a lot of stairs) - she looked at cousin Chris and said: "This is going to happen fast. Barbie thinks I've got four months but I don't.  I won't see you again. I love you, very much." Why did...

Chris came by and worked on the loose taping in the ceiling in the living room. Joyful news: cousin Chris is coming up for a visit.  I'm going to make Kathy's casserole for him. And right now, I'm tired. Love you, Mom.

First year without you and without the dog show itself.  We still haven't found Jackie's antenna so we can watch the free channels on tv since we shut off DISH. Depressing

Mom; check it out. The Pinnacles over near Soledad have been made a national park, not just a state park.  Didn't think that would happen! http://travel.yahoo.com/ideas/pinnacles-national-park--what-makes-it-stand-out-202205177.html?page=1 Cold and raining the last few days and with Steph's major scare, my stomach and body are aching/upset.

Gotta say, Ma, I was worried as all hell!  I was online with Steph, my lifeline and best friend outside of Jackie, and Steph stopped responding in Instant Message. She had remarked that there were tornado warnings and sirens earlier.  I thought maybe the power was out and waited.....and waited.... then I went in search of tv stations in Hattiesburg and hit the website of a news station and saw that a tornado went through Hattiesburg. I went in search of my phone and couldn't find the damned thing!  Then I couldn't remember my number when I got Jackie's phone. She dialed my number and we tracked the phone down under a bunch of stuff. I had a message that Steph's power was out. Text messages back and forth and then she finally was able to get onto the instant message chat on her phone.  The tornado passed OVER the house.  It blew her kitchen windows IN. She said people are right, it sounds like a freight train coming through the door.  She was totally fre...

Hey Mama; Nyx has done the Jekyll and Hyde thing again. When we traveled across the country she loved to be out of the cage and sleep with you (I posted a picture of that in a previous post).  When we got here we weren't sure she'd ever go outside or go beyond the porch once we started letting the cats out.  She had turned into a love cat that would do a 'cute kitty' that would have her twisting and turning wanting to be petted and loved with that Tortoiseshell "meow". It was such a contrast to the wild child she had been in North Fork. Then she decided outside was good and we'd have to drag her inside on nights where the temps would drop below freezing. Well lately she's been coming in on her own at night. The last few days she's been coming inside during the day as well and sleeping on my bed.  And right now she's in my arms while I'm in bed not feeling well.  She's definitely missing you, Mom. She runs to your door and then...

Either I've got a "nervous stomach" or you're right, Ma. I need to see a doctor (one that will actually listen to me).  Either its 1) pork 3 days in a row (with the price of beef I'm reduced to being a Jew with a positive attitude towards pork - my body still hates pork, though) 2) sinus drainage with the screwy weather 3)  nerves or all 3 And I'm a bit depressed, one of my favorite actors died suddenly, 3 days before his 62nd bday.  He died the day he approved my friend request on FB. Sick, depressed and missing you, Ma.

One can of petite diced tomatoes - preferably Italian stewed tomatoes one can of corn or green beans - do not drain half a head of cabbage kielbasa sausage - I chop one link (one of the long ones) tomato sauce - 14 or 16 oz can water onion salt and pepper to taste if you don't have Italian stewed tomatoes - add Italian seasoning I fry up the sausage and add everything together.  Bring to a boil.  Reduce to a simmer. Enjoy

Hey Mom; we went through your dressers today. I didn't think it would be hard to go through clothes, or at least, not this hard. We found we can't get rid of a couple of t-shirts even though they are way too big for us.  We're keeping the first campout t-shirt from HOT and we aren't going to donate any of the t-shirts from campouts to thrift stores. We'll make pillows out of them. Those stay in the family. I'm going to send your Community Link shirt to Jeff. If he can't wear it, he'll have someone that can. I've got mine. I can wear some of the clothes, Jackie can wear others. A lot will be donated. We'll go through the good/hang up clothes tomorrow or another day. Even in your underwear drawer we found turtles! Something confusing: Jackie found a letter in your t-shirt drawer.  A letter dated 1/29/1973 addressed to Grandma B.  What was it doing in your t-shirt drawer, Ma?  Have you looked at that letter since 1973?  There were a couple of th...

We will add the website address on the front with a stamp once we work up the website What do you think, Ma? Isn't the back just perfect? The cards are from recycled paper and we thought the title name fit very well.

Heading into Shabbat.  Grape juice, bread, candles set to go.