Letters to Mom

Hey Mom; It was a long night last night.  Tornadoes all through the South, quite a few fatalities and numerous buildings that now look like matchsticks.  We didn't have a lot of damage here in our county, thank Gd. I'll admit I'm tired tonight.  Every time I'd start to fall asleep thunder would rattle the house and then people called this morning checking on us. We've another round of rain and wind tonight but probably lower chances of tornado alerts, yay. I've been doing better lately, Ma.  I finished the really indepth counseling and my doc thinks I did some really, really good work and I'm continuing to move forward.  She wanted me to try something: instead of letting the word SHOULD into my vocabulary, to try twisting that into something like: "I WANT to....." I took it to heart, Mom, and it's been very surprising, really surprising. I've been getting a lot more done - from yard work to cleaning.  I've really been working on

Mama; I bought some flowers at Home Depot today.  It's feeling like spring here and I want some color around the place.  I rehung the wind chimes and nick-nacks on the porch that we had taken down when we had that big wind storm.  Now I want flowers.  Your little red flower in the garden is blooming - the weather just can't seem to kill that one! And, great news, the crete myrtle bush is making a come back.  We wrapped the bottom of the bush and around over the roots when the temps dipped below freezing in the winter and covered the bush as well and that seems to have gotten it through the biting cold. The temp is supposed to hit 80F here today but another cold front moving in that'll take us to the low 60s.  Argh My counselor thinks I'm doing some great work and something unusual happened yesterday.  I woke up not just feeling energized and capable of doing some housework but.... I felt great.  It's been a very long time, Ma. We got some work done around

I seriously have to start eating better, Ma.  Learn how to use that old food processor of yours and do more healthy smoothies and eat better.  I am definitely malnourished and know it.  And they've got me on mega-doses of vitamin D and B-12. Was talking with Steph about it tonight. Steph    ::Hugs::  Let me know however I can help, I"m good at that stuff. Barb 10:59 pm      thanks - unfortunately I never developed a decent taste for a lot of food. Living below the poverty level meant a lot of unhealthy food.  I remember one time when Chuck had lost his job again and he got a new one but no paycheck for a couple of weeks and the bills were already overdue.  Mom told him to buy 10 lbs of potatoes and hamburger and she'd make do.  We got IOU 10-speed bikes that Christmas      I started my cycle and we had to walk over a mile to the store because there was no gas in the car.  Stuff like that      maybe I should write all this down sometime  Steph: 11:01 pm      <

There are times when it feels like it'll ever get easier, Mom. I miss you every day, many times a day.  I truly wish you were here to see the house. A new roof, new gutters, new appliances, the girls fixed and dependable transportation.  I've been trying to rest for the last week.  I just haven't learned my limitations with the chronic pain, Mom.  Steph pointed it out. I try not to think about what used to be: I worked a full time job, took classes and volunteered, ran the group and helped around the house.  Now I can't do the dishes, laundry and sweeping and mopping all in one day.  A day of running errands with more than 3 stops and I'm exhausted and I'm hurting badly the next day. I get to feeling better and have a tendency to push past those limits again.  So, I've been trying to rest - I've been noticing things that let me know that I've been overly tired. Now the weather has turned warm and I'm anxious to get some things done around the