Letters to Mom

David Bowie, Prince, Alan Rickman, Merle Haggard, George Michael and now Carrie Fisher.  This really hurts, Ma.

Having a really hard time, Mom.  The anniversary of losing you, the weather changes, body aches, stress, losing cousin Jules and the incredible pain in my right arm, especially if I use it.  Dragon voice recognition is giving me fits on my laptop and I can't dictate out in the living room.  I'm scared.  I can't losing my typing abilities, Mom. Nick finally let loose and told Serena what's been bugging him for years, including stuff about Chris.  The abuse, unreasonable demands and controls and especially about treating him like he had comitted major crimes because he lost his schooling and job.  Serena talked with Nick today and said that she and David won't be offering to drive over and see Chris and his wife any more, Chris will have to make the outreach.  I guess they either talked with Chris and he admitted he doesn't want to see them or they finally believe Nick about some things.  David posted a quote from Oscar Wilde last night: "At first our c

Hey, Ma; Susie called today.  I've been thinking about calling her for a couple of weeks and she called this morning.  She's doing okay but down with a cold which is annoying for her. I told her the biggest recent news of having Nick here with us and how that came about.  She was instantly outraged by David, Serena and Chris' treatment and their "options" they gave Nick.  Susie said immediately that he had no choice but to get out of there and we did right and she is convinced that you are very proud of us and of Nick, Ma. She feels there would be no question that you would have done the same and that his decision to enter the Navy is a great one. She also got a kick out of Nick scoring higher than his brother Chris and getting a chance at better training and job position.  She was flabbergasted at how they were going to treat him and control his life. "He's not a teenager!" she protested.  "He's a young man!" Total agreemen

generations of "open door" policy - going back as far as family history tells, there was always an open door, chair to pull up to the table and food at supper if someone was in need.  Even if we didn't have much, it could be shared. for example: Mom, Grandma and I were traveling through Arkansas to meet the kinfolk and for Grandma and Mom to visit old places where they grew up.  We drove up to a cousin's house in Arkansas and Mom told the older woman and man that we were lost and a little hungry.  Grandma, Mom and me in a car loaded with suitcases and with California plates.  "Why, come on up, you're welcome to supper and we've a spare bed and the girl can sleep on the sofa." Grandma started laughing and the woman jumped about a foot in the air. "Maude Ilyar Carr, you get on out here! I'd know that laugh anywhere!" they hadn't seen each other since their early 20s. They were going to take in three lost tourists from Califo

L-rd, Mama; I don't even know where to begin.  I definitely think Jackie and I take after you, we've offered what we can without hesitation to friends and family. Bertski was stunned when he told us about troubles in his relationship and that he wanted out and we offered the craft room.  Family history has been pretty mucked up, Mom. Your grandfather was abusive to grandma and treated her like hell, like a work horse.  Grandma was controlling and clinging.  Telling Uncle George that he couldn't take the pickup without her on a date, really?  Moving to Kansas when George got married and moved away.  Moving to California after George did.  Uncle George then carried it on with David. I remember you talking him out of moving to Germany to be near David and Serena.  You almost didn't manage that one!  How many times did Grandma threaten to take the car from you because her name was on the title? I remember when you had finally had it and threw the keys on the table

Lost another one, Mom.  Whenever I turn to a dvd to raise my mood I turn to either XWP "Lyre, Lyre" or "Young Frankenstein".  Among all of us just two words could make us smile or laugh "Frau Brucher!" May his name and memory forever be a blessing https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gene_Wilder

It has cooled down a little at night and there's a hint of fall in the mornings. Not much yet but just enough to suggest September might be coming.  A couple of days of running over to Carrollton to get Jackie's license renewed and I think I've got a cold.  Slept most of the afternoon yesterday once we got home.  Sniffles, scratchy throat, watering eyes - yep, summer cold or allergies gone haywire. Can't focus enough to write - beyond annoying right now

Hey Mom, going to finish the tumbler quilt.   Quilt update - the tumbler quilt that Mom worked on for over 10 years (a little bit here, a little bit there at a time) was left in the frames being worked on when we lost her. We let it sit for a couple of years and then I decided we'd either roll it and put it away, find someone to quilt it or I was going to try one more time to quilt. Sat down and started quilting, something I hadn't been able to do before then. I did 3 rows and we discovered the quilt was damaged. To salvage it we took it off the frames, cut it down to a full size from a queen and were left with a small section that was left unquilted. The 3 photo is of the quilt ready to be finished with basting. The remainder of the quilt top will be cut into two pieces and turned into lap quilts. The bats will be the backing of mine, the owls will be Jackie's. Not choices Mom would make but we're shifting from what Mom would approve of in

Missing you, Mama Marie, Polly - several birthdays this month.  Everyday I miss you.

I think I've been "triggered" since the attack on a gay bar in Orlando by a Muslim who was killed by the police.  49 dead, 53 injured. The media grabbed ahold of the Muslim motivation right away, the idiot called 911 and swore allegiance to terrorists leaders and Islam.  That made it difficult to dismiss the attack as anything other than a terroristic massacre.  The WH and crew have tried though, claiming that he was a closet case who snapped, its now coming out that there is no evidence he was gay, in the closet or otherwise. He was a Muslim terrorist. Surprisingly tributes and vigils were held around the world.  I never thought we'd see that, Ma. Columinist wrote about how our sense of security was assaulted. Some countered that, pointing out that there is no security for g/l/b/t people.  We constantly think about whether we are looking "too gay" or "butch", whether we're in a place/town/area/neighborhood that might not be receptive

Miss our Mama, she would try and meet us at the Oakhurst cemetery or wait and catch up with us at the North Fork one and take pictures.  - Kathy Jones and Chaplain Richard Lamontange (L-rd, I hope I spelled that right - not enough caffeine yet)

We put the last of Jackie's floor in yesterday and went to Home Depot to get baseboards. Got the boards (and nails), brought those home and then went to Walmart for cat food and got makings for a rib dinner with hot German potato salad, ma.  Going to give it a try came home and I went in the front door and around to the screen porch to let Jackie in.  I started to rush Oscar off the porch and slipped on a fragment of the wood flooring and fell really hard.  I tried to tuck my arm and ended up landing with my fingers out and bent right over backwards, then hit on the elbow and knee.  I scared Jackie, she heard me fall and found me lying on the floor clutching my hand.  We hit it with ice immediately and a naproxin (a codeine was added later - took my nightly dose early).  Ow to the ow! By late last night I couldn't see my knuckles but I could move the fingers, hand, wrist and arm. This morning it was still a little swollen but not as bad and I can move the fingers easier

I'm watching "The Greatest Show on Earth" on Netflix, a favorite of mine.  I remember going to the circus twice - the earliest one was when I was 9 years old. I went with my grandmother.  I remember a lot of the acts but I remember most of all was buying a balloon, a tiger balloon. I bought it so Mom could see something strong and beautiful when she woke up in the hospital.  I was being sent to my aunt and uncle's place in L.A. the next morning for a week (that turned into 2 or 3).  I remember walking to Community hospital (you could do that then - 1967 or 1968?). I was scared and worried.  That was a pretty normal state of living for me since age 5.  I'm surprised I didn't develop ulcers, my "nerves" went a bit lower and I've had problems to this day. Mom had nearly died. I wasn't told it was that serious but I saw how thin she was after her hysterectomy.  She had barely gotten home from that when THEY got into a fight. Raised voices

Hey, Mama; Lynn called yesterday.  Our Red Hatter and friend Chris had trouble walking a few days back and went to the doctor who ordered catscans or MRIs that showed some lesions on her brain and they did more tests.  They weren't able to get all of the breast cancer a few months ago and it has spread to the brain, lungs and elsewhere.  Lynn says they're going to try radiation treatments on the brain to try and get some more mobility for her for as long as possible.  She wants to go home to her mountains. G-d, Mama, I know it'll be another blow to Lynn, a hard one. How many in our lives, Mom? Didn't it seem rare for someone to pass from cancer or leukemia? Now it seems like most everyone we've known has either fought it or had someone close that has. Uncle George, Karen, Stewart, Donna, Izzy, Bea, our favorite clerk at the $ store, Lemmy, Bowie, Alan Rickman and countless others recently.  And, of course, you, Mama. Thankfully Donna is still with us and it

http://aravahsproject.blogspot.com/2016/05/car-shows-and-people.html

Haven't written much here - I was focused on doing the writing challenge with National November Writing Month summer camp.  I got started late (on the 13th - didn't realize it was in April this year) and I met my goal of 25,000 words by the 31st.  Pretty darn amazed at that one! It's been hard the last few days - I think because we're going to pay attention to Mother's Day this year, Ma.  We're going to put out the memory stones for you and Mama Marie, right on either side of the large paver coming up to the porch steps.  They won't be walked on and will be noticeable. Miss you, Mom, more than words can say.  We've been busy with yard work inbetween storms. Doesn't look too bad outside.  I need to turn over the beds in the garden for flowers and plants, though and I'm sick today - allergies and infection, I think.  The trees we got from the Arbor foundation are doing well and showing signs of life, including the 3 dogwoods we got for you,

Holocause Awareness begans at sunset 05/04/2016 one of the victims: Mashe Lewin, Daughter of Avrohom and Taibe, born 1922 at Dainovka, Wilno, Wilno, Poland Place of death: Woronowo ghetto on 11/05/1942 IDF Soldiers see the Western Wall for the first time after the 6 Day War - in Jordanian hands it had been turned into a urinal 

Lemmy from Motorhead, David Bowie, Prince, Patty Duke, Pat Harrington Jr, David Margulies, Brian Bedford (the voice of Disney's Robin Hood - animated), Dan Haggerty, Abe Vigoda, Signe Toly Anderson, William Haze, Vanity, Paul Gordon, Ray West, Humbert Allen astredo, Umberto Eco, Tony Burton, George Kennedy, Pat Conroy, Joey Martin Feek, Nancy Reagan, Robert Horton, Sylvia Anderson, Frank Sinatra Jr, Larry Drake, Peter Brown, Ken Howard, Dennis Davis, Merle Haggard,  - so many Almost a year since we lost Sir Christopher Lee. Ugh

the song called "When Worlds Collide" - there is a very good reason why I don't permit this song in the car/truck Smoke on the water - commercial and Mom garden stuff graduating counseling - huge thing Ryan Roxie Nano Deacon

we weed whacked the rain trough, weed whacked the garden and around the red bud, mowed, placed a paver, hung another shelf in the screened in porch, painted a tire and blew debris into the wooded area and we're done. So much more to do on a brighter note: CATS! our grand old man Deacon stretched out in a planter and I wonder why things won't grow! Our poly-toed kitty, Gypsy  Alyssa - one of the twins another of Deacon  Evie, voicing a protest abut me taking a photo Your beautiful Nikki, Ma - better known as Fuzzbot

Missing both our Moms Marie Melendez left us on 03/01/2013

Well, had the colon exam and it came back clear with some weakness in some muscles that might explain some of the health stuff but not to the level I'm experiencing.  Okay, it's mental combined with physical?  Joy. Three years ago my heart checked out fine, my colon is great, my back isn't declining as fast as I feared, my blood work looks good except for one liver panel which I'm working on.  I've gone from a qt of caffeine a day to one cup of tea in the morning and an occasional soda.  Next to conquer is the sugar. Tired after yard work this mornign but feeling good about what got accomplished, especially Jackie's input.  The yard looks like we might actually live here. LOL Tomorrow I'm scheduled for a pelvic exam - then to request a mammogram (again). Then the only thing not checked out totally would be my stomach. Doc Kelly thinks it's time for me to be cut loose from the PTSD trauma counseling.  That was a surprise and a bit of a panic.  I t

Got through my birthday and the colon exam.  I've been really depressed for a couple of weeks and can't seem to totally snap out of it.  It was uncomfortable preparing for the colon exam, of course.  The test itself was painful - my IV came out of my hand and they couldn't give me more sedative.  We did get the test done and the doctor said everything looks fantastic - I was very clean (yay. drinking all that medicine worked), no signs of cancer, no polyops, and no scarring.  I do have weakened splintcer muscles, however.  I suppose I get to learn how to do kegels for the tail end.  Now to schedule a breast exam and pelvic and I'll be set - and another round of blood work (see how I'm doing since I've almost eliminated caffeine and have been working to cleanse the liver). Jackie has been helping out more and I'm trying to keep up but it's a task right now. Right now = ugh

Haven't written much here lately, Mom. I've been really down. It feels like I've taken a few steps backwards.  I don't know if it's because of all the deaths lately in the music world or what - I mean David Bowie is so hard to take and then Glenn Frey - damn! I can't believe how fast Lemmy went.  Had a birthday, a day later he's told he had cancer and maybe 2 months, 2 days later and he was gone.  For a couple of days there it seemed like musicians were dying 2 or 3 a day/night.  Go figure, me a horror fan to the nth and death brings me down.  I can't shake watching you take your last breath.  I was already reeling at the speed in which you left, Mom.  I miss you, Mama.  I try to take in all the positive reassurances: They haven't really left us, they're just in a different form...... your loved ones reach out and touch you in dreams and sometimes in waking life.... Ugh Strained my shoulder and I've had to baby it for a couple of days

In addition to my Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing and Alice Cooper autographs I now have Jamie Lee Curtis and Richard Lynch? Who, you say?  Richard Lynch was a character actor that was in just about every tv series you could think of and many, many movies.  He played a fantastic villain.

Lemmy from Motorhead last week, David Bowie 2 days ago, Alan Rickman yesterday, Celine Dion's husband today.  F*ck you, cancer I guess HaShem needed a fantastic actor to go along with the band that's rocking? Bowie and Freddie fronting with Janis, Lemmy on bass, Randy Rhodes on guitar, Keith Moon on drums, Steve Clark on rhythm guitar...... <sigh> Miss you, Mom - enjoy the show!

I can't believe it, Mom - Two days after Bowie's 69th birthday he passed away from cancer.  WTH? Scott Weiland, Lemmy, Christopher Lee = so many losses 2015-2016  Even when Bowie was being totally weird it was always with courage, a challenge and intelligence. And always with talent, like Freddie and Alice. Compare that with manufactured pop "stars" like One Direction or spoiled brats like Bieber and Miley Cyrus - "stars" that behave like jerks to just get attention and who feel they're entitled to anything they want.  Toss in the arrogant, no account a**holes Kanye and Lohan and I definitely fear for the future. Got some amazing musicians and voices with you, Mom.

Mom and Jackie would say if there's a cat in a half mile radius, I'll spot it and it'll find me. Mom once said, no more cats unless they need a home and walk up and jump on our laps! See where this is going? 3 days later we visited former neighbors of her in a condo complex.  I sat out on the front step while they talked and a beautiful Siamese seal point meowed at me and I said hello.  She immediately jumped up in my lap and wanted to be petted and loved.  Mom couldn't believe it.  The neighbors said the cat was owned by someone next to them and they hated the cat because she had slightly crossed blue eyes and had to be from the devil.  The neighbors talked with the neighbors and they said to take the cat.  She didn't even have a name and was the sweetest thing. I laughed heartily at that incident!  Mom learned not to challenge the universe!