Letters to Mom

I don't seem to have a switch in my head that tells me when I should stop over-extending  Doing too much housework or running errands at a time is pretty darn common for me and it hurts.  Jackie and Nick went to get the oil changed this morning.  I rearranged the history section of our library, fed the cats and made my tea and they came home. Jackie realized she had forgotten to drop off the library books.  I knew she was tired and said I could do that.  At the library one of the clerks and I talked for several minutes about gourds, Indian beadwork, wood burning and crafts.  She works with gourds and I gave her my email and said I was definitely interested.  Grabbed a couple of books and bought a couple hardbacks = ow Went to Taco Bell and got box meals for the three of us and headed home.  Ate a little and got a wild hair and swept and mopped the living room tiled area = ow. Tired and aching, just like everyday of the last week because I keep pushing.

Hey Mom; We were pretty much in shock and full on grief yesterday.  Today, it hurts like hell and its sinking in. Jackie didn't have anyone chase her feet last night, nudge her Kindle out of the way or snuggle up next to her arm. I have to remember to set out one less dish of the small amount of canned food everyone gets as a treat.  I'm still listening for her voice to let us know she wanted someone in Jackie's room to pay attention to her and we should get in there NOW!  She also had a pretty good schedule - about 7pm she'd start yowling because Jackie wasn't getting ready for bed and paying attention. It hurts. Deacon wanted outside today when I went to the check mail and he trotted down to the driveway and rolled in the gravel.  I stopped and petted him and we had a good couple of minutes of loving in the sunlight. It's supposed to be higher 60s today and up to 74 in a few days.  The up and down weather hurts the body but I think everyone is read

Sorry, Mama, I've neglected the blog for awhile and it's not with good news that I take this up again. We lost Nyx last night at 3 a.m.  G-d, it hurts.  She was fine yesterday - playing and demanding love and trying to grab me when I tried to walk out of the room.  Then she was in distress and then gone. Posted to Facebook Nyx - our 15 yr old tortie was playing with my sister and I yesterday and acting like the tortie kitten she could be. At 2:40 Jackie woke me saying Nyx was in distress. Our baby crossed the bridge at 2:50 a.m. We suspect something with the heart. G-d, this hurts so bad. We've nearly given up hope that the tortie that got out 2 months ago will come back and now we lose Nyx so suddenly - gut shot emotionally here. Take care of Mama, Nyx. Entertain her with your buzz saw voice which I am going to miss dreadfully. # # # # Jackie and Nick took care of seeing her off, they know how hard it is for me to handle this and sent her on her w