Letters to Mom

The night you always called "Amateur Night", Ma.  New Year's Eve - we're set, i.e. we're not going anywhere. LOL.  Did some errands today (cat litter, groceries) and did too much (of course).  Where did the year go? Miss you, Ma.

It'll be a new year soon, Mom.  Still can't believe most of the time that you're gone.  3 years.  How is that possible? It's still hard. Then the others we've lost on a celebrity level, especially Sir Christopher, you know what he meant to me.  Leonard Nimoy, Omar Shariff, Wes Craven - too many. A bit down the last couple of days. Might be all the crisis posts in the PTSD groups on Facebook - I'm stepping back from FB for awhile. Just hit the highlights and focus more on my writing and house cleaning, I think. Love you, Mama

Missing you, Mama, especially this time of year.  It doesn't seem like it couold be three years.  Jackie and I exchanged Hanukkah and Yule gifts earlier - she got me a new Magen David necklace and a bracelet that honors those struggling or gone from lung cancer.  I got her some new art work, a dragon mug and a WOW gift card. This morning is a bit quiet - we had orange rolls for breakfast and are quietly reading, writing or playing on the computers (in between bouts of cleaning).  I put up Jackie's small white Christmas tree and put my Rat King nutcracker, Jackie's Yeti Bobo, Snoopy and Woodstock and a turtle around it.  Felt okay and we'll probably do a little more decorating next year.   I've been working on the quilt a little at a time, it hurts to sit too long. Have to find the right combination of chair, position, angle and foot rest yet.  It's been raining like crazy here. Flash floods, washed out streets, trees down, a couple good deep ruts in the

this season is hard and we both miss Mom every day.  I think I'm reaching a point where that isn't so overwhelming.   About a week before Thanksgiving onwards it was a bit hard. I couldn't focus on much, short attention span, depression, etc.  On the 1st I lit the Yahrzeit candle and set about distracting myself on the computer but that wasn't working.  I kept thinking about the quilt. Mom had a quilt in the frames (long wooden rods c-clamped on cross bars resting on saw horses) - she had it in the frames for years, she'd work a little bit on it and a little bit more but nothing steady.  I always encouraged her but it didn't seem like something she was anxious to finish. We didn't have room to set it up at that small place in North Fork. when we go here, I insisted it get set up in good light.  She did a couple of rows. When we lost Mom, Jackie and I just left the quilt where it was.  We had cardboard and plywood over the quilt wi

Before today the quilt in the frames was an item that screamed at us all the time: Figure out what to do with it! Roll it and store it, find someone that hand quilts and give it to them or let it sit.  Now I think I can work it.  It has been a little amazing. I was somewhat down today, bittersweet posting some pictures of Mom and stuff but being able to work on the quilt brought about a new emotion that I seldom have, it was almost hard to identify.  I was happy and it lasted.  That's a big deal.  It kinda felt like Mom was beside me urging me on and encouraging me. We got caught in a white out a few years back. I didn't have snow chains nor winter tires.  I looked at the upper windows of Vons and told Mom we had to step it up.  It started raining as we went to the car. We got 1 mile and it was sleet. 1 more mile and it was snow.  I pulled over and started to turn around, explaining that I didn't think the car could get around the curves by the lake.  The

FB post Okay, achievement! Mom had been working on a quilt for years. Do a few stitches, back starts hurting, come back a few days later.... She left the quilt in the frames when she passed. One thing she said in the hospital was that we'd have to roll the quilt, cover it and put it away. I told her no, we wouldn't. 3 yrs later: figured today was a good day try to do it or we'd roll the quilt up and put it away, probably to never get it out again. I've always failed at the hand quilting before. My stitches aren't as good as Mom's but not bad!

3 years. Miss you, Mom. More than words can say At this moment, in memory of our beloved Mom we join hands in love and remembrance. A link has been broken in the chain that has bound us together, yet strong bonds of home and love hold us each to the other. We give thanks for the blessing of life, of companionship, and of memory. Though sorrow lingers, we have learned that love is stronger than death. Though our loved one is beyond our sight we sense our Mom in our hearts as a living presence. Her memory is a blessing. (ask about the hat :) )  the song is by The Who.  When I took Mom to see Roger Daltrey doing Tommy she cried when he began this one.  Love you, Mom https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZPtrWvlFRU