Letters to Mom

Missing you, Mama Marie, Polly - several birthdays this month.  Everyday I miss you.

I think I've been "triggered" since the attack on a gay bar in Orlando by a Muslim who was killed by the police.  49 dead, 53 injured. The media grabbed ahold of the Muslim motivation right away, the idiot called 911 and swore allegiance to terrorists leaders and Islam.  That made it difficult to dismiss the attack as anything other than a terroristic massacre.  The WH and crew have tried though, claiming that he was a closet case who snapped, its now coming out that there is no evidence he was gay, in the closet or otherwise. He was a Muslim terrorist. Surprisingly tributes and vigils were held around the world.  I never thought we'd see that, Ma. Columinist wrote about how our sense of security was assaulted. Some countered that, pointing out that there is no security for g/l/b/t people.  We constantly think about whether we are looking "too gay" or "butch", whether we're in a place/town/area/neighborhood that might not be receptive...

Miss our Mama, she would try and meet us at the Oakhurst cemetery or wait and catch up with us at the North Fork one and take pictures.  - Kathy Jones and Chaplain Richard Lamontange (L-rd, I hope I spelled that right - not enough caffeine yet)

We put the last of Jackie's floor in yesterday and went to Home Depot to get baseboards. Got the boards (and nails), brought those home and then went to Walmart for cat food and got makings for a rib dinner with hot German potato salad, ma.  Going to give it a try came home and I went in the front door and around to the screen porch to let Jackie in.  I started to rush Oscar off the porch and slipped on a fragment of the wood flooring and fell really hard.  I tried to tuck my arm and ended up landing with my fingers out and bent right over backwards, then hit on the elbow and knee.  I scared Jackie, she heard me fall and found me lying on the floor clutching my hand.  We hit it with ice immediately and a naproxin (a codeine was added later - took my nightly dose early).  Ow to the ow! By late last night I couldn't see my knuckles but I could move the fingers, hand, wrist and arm. This morning it was still a little swollen but not as bad and I can mo...

I'm watching "The Greatest Show on Earth" on Netflix, a favorite of mine.  I remember going to the circus twice - the earliest one was when I was 9 years old. I went with my grandmother.  I remember a lot of the acts but I remember most of all was buying a balloon, a tiger balloon. I bought it so Mom could see something strong and beautiful when she woke up in the hospital.  I was being sent to my aunt and uncle's place in L.A. the next morning for a week (that turned into 2 or 3).  I remember walking to Community hospital (you could do that then - 1967 or 1968?). I was scared and worried.  That was a pretty normal state of living for me since age 5.  I'm surprised I didn't develop ulcers, my "nerves" went a bit lower and I've had problems to this day. Mom had nearly died. I wasn't told it was that serious but I saw how thin she was after her hysterectomy.  She had barely gotten home from that when THEY got into a fight. Raised voices...

Hey, Mama; Lynn called yesterday.  Our Red Hatter and friend Chris had trouble walking a few days back and went to the doctor who ordered catscans or MRIs that showed some lesions on her brain and they did more tests.  They weren't able to get all of the breast cancer a few months ago and it has spread to the brain, lungs and elsewhere.  Lynn says they're going to try radiation treatments on the brain to try and get some more mobility for her for as long as possible.  She wants to go home to her mountains. G-d, Mama, I know it'll be another blow to Lynn, a hard one. How many in our lives, Mom? Didn't it seem rare for someone to pass from cancer or leukemia? Now it seems like most everyone we've known has either fought it or had someone close that has. Uncle George, Karen, Stewart, Donna, Izzy, Bea, our favorite clerk at the $ store, Lemmy, Bowie, Alan Rickman and countless others recently.  And, of course, you, Mama. Thankfully Donna is still with us and...

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