Letters to Mom

I don't seem to have a switch in my head that tells me when I should stop over-extending  Doing too much housework or running errands at a time is pretty darn common for me and it hurts.  Jackie and Nick went to get the oil changed this morning.  I rearranged the history section of our library, fed the cats and made my tea and they came home. Jackie realized she had forgotten to drop off the library books.  I knew she was tired and said I could do that.  At the library one of the clerks and I talked for several minutes about gourds, Indian beadwork, wood burning and crafts.  She works with gourds and I gave her my email and said I was definitely interested.  Grabbed a couple of books and bought a couple hardbacks = ow Went to Taco Bell and got box meals for the three of us and headed home.  Ate a little and got a wild hair and swept and mopped the living room tiled area = ow. Tired and aching, just like everyday of the last week because ...

Hey Mom; We were pretty much in shock and full on grief yesterday.  Today, it hurts like hell and its sinking in. Jackie didn't have anyone chase her feet last night, nudge her Kindle out of the way or snuggle up next to her arm. I have to remember to set out one less dish of the small amount of canned food everyone gets as a treat.  I'm still listening for her voice to let us know she wanted someone in Jackie's room to pay attention to her and we should get in there NOW!  She also had a pretty good schedule - about 7pm she'd start yowling because Jackie wasn't getting ready for bed and paying attention. It hurts. Deacon wanted outside today when I went to the check mail and he trotted down to the driveway and rolled in the gravel.  I stopped and petted him and we had a good couple of minutes of loving in the sunlight. It's supposed to be higher 60s today and up to 74 in a few days.  The up and down weather hurts the body but I think everyone is read...

Sorry, Mama, I've neglected the blog for awhile and it's not with good news that I take this up again. We lost Nyx last night at 3 a.m.  G-d, it hurts.  She was fine yesterday - playing and demanding love and trying to grab me when I tried to walk out of the room.  Then she was in distress and then gone. Posted to Facebook Nyx - our 15 yr old tortie was playing with my sister and I yesterday and acting like the tortie kitten she could be. At 2:40 Jackie woke me saying Nyx was in distress. Our baby crossed the bridge at 2:50 a.m. We suspect something with the heart. G-d, this hurts so bad. We've nearly given up hope that the tortie that got out 2 months ago will come back and now we lose Nyx so suddenly - gut shot emotionally here. Take care of Mama, Nyx. Entertain her with your buzz saw voice which I am going to miss dreadfully. # # # # Jackie and Nick took care of seeing her off, they know how hard it is for me to handle this and sent her on her...

David Bowie, Prince, Alan Rickman, Merle Haggard, George Michael and now Carrie Fisher.  This really hurts, Ma.

Having a really hard time, Mom.  The anniversary of losing you, the weather changes, body aches, stress, losing cousin Jules and the incredible pain in my right arm, especially if I use it.  Dragon voice recognition is giving me fits on my laptop and I can't dictate out in the living room.  I'm scared.  I can't losing my typing abilities, Mom. Nick finally let loose and told Serena what's been bugging him for years, including stuff about Chris.  The abuse, unreasonable demands and controls and especially about treating him like he had comitted major crimes because he lost his schooling and job.  Serena talked with Nick today and said that she and David won't be offering to drive over and see Chris and his wife any more, Chris will have to make the outreach.  I guess they either talked with Chris and he admitted he doesn't want to see them or they finally believe Nick about some things.  David posted a quote from Oscar Wilde last night: "At f...

Hey, Ma; Susie called today.  I've been thinking about calling her for a couple of weeks and she called this morning.  She's doing okay but down with a cold which is annoying for her. I told her the biggest recent news of having Nick here with us and how that came about.  She was instantly outraged by David, Serena and Chris' treatment and their "options" they gave Nick.  Susie said immediately that he had no choice but to get out of there and we did right and she is convinced that you are very proud of us and of Nick, Ma. She feels there would be no question that you would have done the same and that his decision to enter the Navy is a great one. She also got a kick out of Nick scoring higher than his brother Chris and getting a chance at better training and job position.  She was flabbergasted at how they were going to treat him and control his life. "He's not a teenager!" she protested.  "He's a young man!" Total agreemen...

generations of "open door" policy - going back as far as family history tells, there was always an open door, chair to pull up to the table and food at supper if someone was in need.  Even if we didn't have much, it could be shared. for example: Mom, Grandma and I were traveling through Arkansas to meet the kinfolk and for Grandma and Mom to visit old places where they grew up.  We drove up to a cousin's house in Arkansas and Mom told the older woman and man that we were lost and a little hungry.  Grandma, Mom and me in a car loaded with suitcases and with California plates.  "Why, come on up, you're welcome to supper and we've a spare bed and the girl can sleep on the sofa." Grandma started laughing and the woman jumped about a foot in the air. "Maude Ilyar Carr, you get on out here! I'd know that laugh anywhere!" they hadn't seen each other since their early 20s. They were going to take in three lost tourists from Califo...