Day 4
Mama;
Have a slight major crisis. Went on the SSI website to try and report your passing and they state that SSI money for the month of the passing should not be cashed or should be returned. I already paid the bills. We're going to see if they'll take payments to pay back this month's SSI that you received.
Jackie and I went through your paperbacks, pulling out a couple we might be interested in. Something struck us as strange. There was about half the normal number of books you usually have. You pulled everything out of your wallet except medical cards and ID, you started giving away all your paperbacks, you told us to cover and put away the quilt you're working on and reminded Jackie about the turtle we needed to break upon your passing.
You didn't want to worry us with just how off you felt about something going on in your body, right? Because of my heart scare last month?
We're having Dish shut off Monday and also the telephone. We're keeping the internet (go figure, we'd go bananas without internet). That will reduce our bills a bit. We're cutting down on the canned cat food as well. It'll be tight at times but we know you tried to protect us on that as well.
We put out some holiday decorations. We pulled out the ceramic ones you painted in 1978, Mom. And the nutcrackers for me. We hung the oldest glass balls from the cable to my computer and ran bead garland over the cable. It looks really nice. We hung most of the ceramics on the tv wall. We figure we'll decorate a little and see how it feels. If it doesn't feel right we'll put the things away until next year.
We miss you so much. You should be here helping us with this.
I think I told you yesterday, we're keeping the turtles. I can't remember anything right now. I get up and go into another room and can't remember what I was doing. Sometimes that's normal but it's all the time right now. It's normal for the grieving process, I know. It's just hard.
I talked with Susie today. We cried together and smiled together. She is treasuring the family picture we sent her. She's wishing she could be here a lot. So do we but we should be okay.
That weird thing with my heart/panic attacks is hitting really hard today.
Jackie has appts tomorrow at the VA so we'll be busy again. We'll try and do very little Friday and the weekend. We know we're a little exhausted and need to eat more.
We miss you so much, Mama. We just wander into your room and look around. Sometimes sitting on the bed and looking at the turtles.
Forgot to tell you, Mom, you didn't lose the Marine Corps rose pin that you got when I went in on delayed entry. Jackie found it pinned to one of your outfits. We still have it, Mom.
We also heard from Angie Carlson, expressing sympathy from the entire family. Sonja is 9 years old now and starting on algebra. Can you believe that? They've already educated the kid on the original Star Trek, the movies, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and are working on Dr. Who.
Angie also wanted to know about this thing she heard about me...... I'm no longer on their side of the fence. What's this about Judaism and me? I explained I lost my previous spirituality and then discovered Judaism isn't just "Christianity w/out Jesus" and that it's actually very tribal. She understood that and seemed cool with it. We even got phone numbers for the family.
we love you, Mama.
P.S. Remember that Boris Karloff Thriller show I told you about? The one with Elizabeth Montgomery and Tom Posen and the cool twist at the end? I found it on YouTube. You would have gotten a kick out of it. Had John Carradine too. Maybe you're watching with me.
We're trying to take real good care of the kids. SuSu sleeps with Jackie and get scratches and Nikki loves driving me nuts. She wants to be on me and if I put her down she bounces right back up before I even draw my arm back. She reminds me of Finn.
Have a slight major crisis. Went on the SSI website to try and report your passing and they state that SSI money for the month of the passing should not be cashed or should be returned. I already paid the bills. We're going to see if they'll take payments to pay back this month's SSI that you received.
Jackie and I went through your paperbacks, pulling out a couple we might be interested in. Something struck us as strange. There was about half the normal number of books you usually have. You pulled everything out of your wallet except medical cards and ID, you started giving away all your paperbacks, you told us to cover and put away the quilt you're working on and reminded Jackie about the turtle we needed to break upon your passing.
You didn't want to worry us with just how off you felt about something going on in your body, right? Because of my heart scare last month?
We're having Dish shut off Monday and also the telephone. We're keeping the internet (go figure, we'd go bananas without internet). That will reduce our bills a bit. We're cutting down on the canned cat food as well. It'll be tight at times but we know you tried to protect us on that as well.
We put out some holiday decorations. We pulled out the ceramic ones you painted in 1978, Mom. And the nutcrackers for me. We hung the oldest glass balls from the cable to my computer and ran bead garland over the cable. It looks really nice. We hung most of the ceramics on the tv wall. We figure we'll decorate a little and see how it feels. If it doesn't feel right we'll put the things away until next year.
We miss you so much. You should be here helping us with this.
I think I told you yesterday, we're keeping the turtles. I can't remember anything right now. I get up and go into another room and can't remember what I was doing. Sometimes that's normal but it's all the time right now. It's normal for the grieving process, I know. It's just hard.
I talked with Susie today. We cried together and smiled together. She is treasuring the family picture we sent her. She's wishing she could be here a lot. So do we but we should be okay.
That weird thing with my heart/panic attacks is hitting really hard today.
Jackie has appts tomorrow at the VA so we'll be busy again. We'll try and do very little Friday and the weekend. We know we're a little exhausted and need to eat more.
We miss you so much, Mama. We just wander into your room and look around. Sometimes sitting on the bed and looking at the turtles.
Forgot to tell you, Mom, you didn't lose the Marine Corps rose pin that you got when I went in on delayed entry. Jackie found it pinned to one of your outfits. We still have it, Mom.
We also heard from Angie Carlson, expressing sympathy from the entire family. Sonja is 9 years old now and starting on algebra. Can you believe that? They've already educated the kid on the original Star Trek, the movies, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and are working on Dr. Who.
Angie also wanted to know about this thing she heard about me...... I'm no longer on their side of the fence. What's this about Judaism and me? I explained I lost my previous spirituality and then discovered Judaism isn't just "Christianity w/out Jesus" and that it's actually very tribal. She understood that and seemed cool with it. We even got phone numbers for the family.
we love you, Mama.
P.S. Remember that Boris Karloff Thriller show I told you about? The one with Elizabeth Montgomery and Tom Posen and the cool twist at the end? I found it on YouTube. You would have gotten a kick out of it. Had John Carradine too. Maybe you're watching with me.
We're trying to take real good care of the kids. SuSu sleeps with Jackie and get scratches and Nikki loves driving me nuts. She wants to be on me and if I put her down she bounces right back up before I even draw my arm back. She reminds me of Finn.
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