Day 6
Mama;
Slept a little earlier than usual last night and I slept until 9:30am this morning. Probably a very good thing.
We did a little picking up and cleaning today, nothing major yet. Some laundry, trash, stuff like that.
Then we went and got your ashes.
I remember us caring for Faith's ashes and scattering them above Oakhurst. I remember Uncle George's ashes arriving and us scattering them and I was okay with those. Uncle George had been gone for awhile, I didn't see him before he was cremated.
Seeing a man carrying a canvas bag with a box containing your ashes slayed us, Mom. We held it together but I admit that I lost it in the car for a few minutes. My mama can't be in that box. Your personality was so big and your heart as wide as a canyon, a box can't hold that.
We told each other that those ashes aren't you. They are what is left of your remains, a shell. You are with us and are no longer in pain, Mom.
I asked Polly and Jules if they would accept some of your ashes and have someone go out to the Gateway Arch and secretly scatter your ashes and they said they would be honored to do so. Lynn and Jerry are getting some of you as well to be scattered above Oakhurst. We're mailing their Yule gifts to them and a small zip lock with some ashes. Lynn asked me to include a turtle and I'm sending the glass turtle, the one with the purple tinted body and red hat. I think that's an appropriate one to send and Jackie agrees.
We're getting your wishes met, Ma.
It's my first Shabbat without you in the house. Tomorrow night will be my first Hanukkah without you. It won't be easy.
We're both a little down today. It's the first real day that we haven't rushed somewhere or worked frantically in the house trying to distract ourselves. We're tired and we need the weekend to begin to recover.
Jackie and I watch the squirrels and the airplanes and smile sad smiles.
Slept a little earlier than usual last night and I slept until 9:30am this morning. Probably a very good thing.
We did a little picking up and cleaning today, nothing major yet. Some laundry, trash, stuff like that.
Then we went and got your ashes.
I remember us caring for Faith's ashes and scattering them above Oakhurst. I remember Uncle George's ashes arriving and us scattering them and I was okay with those. Uncle George had been gone for awhile, I didn't see him before he was cremated.
Seeing a man carrying a canvas bag with a box containing your ashes slayed us, Mom. We held it together but I admit that I lost it in the car for a few minutes. My mama can't be in that box. Your personality was so big and your heart as wide as a canyon, a box can't hold that.
We told each other that those ashes aren't you. They are what is left of your remains, a shell. You are with us and are no longer in pain, Mom.
I asked Polly and Jules if they would accept some of your ashes and have someone go out to the Gateway Arch and secretly scatter your ashes and they said they would be honored to do so. Lynn and Jerry are getting some of you as well to be scattered above Oakhurst. We're mailing their Yule gifts to them and a small zip lock with some ashes. Lynn asked me to include a turtle and I'm sending the glass turtle, the one with the purple tinted body and red hat. I think that's an appropriate one to send and Jackie agrees.
We're getting your wishes met, Ma.
It's my first Shabbat without you in the house. Tomorrow night will be my first Hanukkah without you. It won't be easy.
We're both a little down today. It's the first real day that we haven't rushed somewhere or worked frantically in the house trying to distract ourselves. We're tired and we need the weekend to begin to recover.
Jackie and I watch the squirrels and the airplanes and smile sad smiles.
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